Groucho Glasses
by ScottyBgood
Summary: Cat is worried that she may have done something that might upset Jade. She seeks out the help of Tori, cause sometimes knowing a secret gives you an idea of who to go to for help. As for the name, you'll have to read to find out. One shot.


Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious, nor do I make any money off this story.

Warning, you will have to read to find out why I called it Groucho Glasses.

:}

Cat hurried through the school, looking for someone specific. She murmured "Gotta find her" to herself, over and over, looking left and right before heading back to the main hall, hoping that would be where she found what she was searching for. The moment she spotted the person, she headed straight for her, calling out "Tori!" as she approached.

The half Latina was standing next to her locker, having a casual conversation with her best friend, Andre. "Yo, little red, hows it hanging?" He called out to her.

"I need Tori's help." Cat said quickly, pulling the taller girl, towards the janitors closet.

Tori resists. "Wait, what?"

"Oh, hi Andre, I need Tori's help, NOW!" Cat said, smiling briefly then resuming her efforts to pull Tori to the closet.

"Calm down now, little red." Andre pushed his nickname for Cat. "Maybe I can help too."

"I did something to upset Jade." Cat said.

"And I'm out." Andre said, turning to make his escape.

"Wait one minute." Tori's hand lashed out, grabbing her friend and keeping him from fleeing. 'I don't get it. Lately he's been twice as scared of Jade.' She thought. "So, what did you do, and why do we need to hide?"

"We need to hide so Jade won't overhear us." Cat whisper yelled.

"Then the janitors closet is not a good choice." Tori said, remembering the moonlight jam, and how she and Andre had tried hiding from Jade in there. Beck's warning of how hiding there from the pale girl was a bad idea still fresh in her mind.

"True that." Andre agreed. "Besides, they have toilet paper in there."

"Sorry, what?" Cat asked, now more confused.

"Toilet. Paper." He repeated slowly. "You know what she can do with that, right?"

"No, what?" Cat asked, seeming to have forgotten all about whatever problem had her in a near panic only moments ago.

"Hay guys." Beck announced his presence.

"Beck, tell Cat here what Jade can do with Toilet paper." Andre said to the Canadian, gesturing forcibly. "Go on, tell her. Let her know just what your girlfriend is capable of."

"She can use it to clean up with after using the restroom." Beck said. "Or add an unwanted new layer of decorations to somebodies yard." The look on Andre's face told him those weren't the uses that concerned the musician. "I'd imagine there are other uses for toilet paper. Maybe if you give me a hint?"

"SHE THREATENED US WITH A ROLL, REMEMBER!" The musicians scream drew the eyes of everyone in the halls. But, in a tribute to how far you really had to go to be weird in that school, after a moment, and once it was clear Andre wasn't planning on elaborating on that statement, they all shrugged and went back to their own business.

"Oh, that." Cat said. "Jade has this special ops ninja thingy where she can turn just about anything into a deadly weapon. How else do you explain her ability to hit the bullseye with her scissors, time after time. I mean, yea, there blade heavy, but not designed for throwing. Of course, there is something to be said for practice, and she probably got a lot of that..."

"Um, Cat?" Tori cut in. "As much as I wanna talk about how Jade can kill me with just about anything, maybe we should go somewhere and you can tell me whats freaking you out so much."

"Something was freaking me out?" Cat asked. "Man, this is gonna bug me. Come on, you knew it had to do with the new boy, Steve something..."

"Nerdy boy with the great singing voice?" Beck asked. "That would be Steve Smith. Not related to that Even boy you dated, back when I was making the Blond Squad."

"Oh yea, I remember him." Cat said. "Of course, I could have dyed my hair blond, but that didn't help with the blue eyes fetish he had. I'm guessing this one isn't so picky."

"From what I can tell, he'd like anything female." Andre said.

"But he does have a great voice." Beck added. "So, Cat, speaking of Steve Smith..." He hesitated, then grabbed Cat's hand, leading her to an empty classroom. Cat never let go of Tori's hand, while Andre followed out of a desire to know what had gotten Beck so freaked out. That, and yelling about toilet paper in the halls still felt embarrassing to the musician.

Once in the classroom, Beck looked at Cat. "So, you told Steve Smith that Jade and Tori are dating?"

"OH MY GOD, THATS RIGHT!" Cat squealed. "JADE'S SO GONNA KILL ME!"

"Calm down and tell us why you told Steve that me and Jade are dating." Tori said. "Were you trying to get more followers on the slap again?"

"Wait, Steve Smith told you, Beck, that Tori was dating Jade?" Andre jumped in. "I thought you and Jade got back together four months ago, at the Full Moon Jam."

"Well, they didn't." Cat huffed. "I realized that Jade and Tori had a different feel to their fighting, and that Jade probably wound up with Tori somewhere along the way. Probably while my head was caught in that Butterfly habitat. But after a while, I saw how Tori and Jade were together, as well as how Jade and Beck weren't fighting as much as they used too when girls flirted with him. I began to suspect more when Tori couldn't film an episode of our show, the Funny Nugget show, cause she was busy. My suspicions were confirmed when Jade was busy at the same time, a time when Tori's parents were conveniently out of town. From there, it was just about connecting the dots, adding in a lot of minor evidence, like how Tori was buying more coffee for her home, and Jade suddenly had an interest in strange foreign cheeses, and I realized that Jade and Tori were an item. I'm guessing that, after the date Tori tried to set Jade up on fell apart, she was forced by someone," She coughed the something that sounded suspiciously like Beck, "To fill in with Jade until Jade was ready to date on her own. One thing led to another, and Tori and Jade became a reality."

"But Beck and Jade got back together, up on the stage." Tori protested. "Remember that song, how they push one another?"

"An activity suspiciously gone from Beck after they got back together." Cat said. "No, Jade was using Beck as her, whats that thing called with the glasses, false nose, and mustache?"

"I think the term your looking for is beard." Beck said.

"No, I'm pretty sure a beard is the fuzzy hair on someone's chin." Cat corrected the handsome boy.

"So you figured it all out, and then told everyone?" Tori asked, feeling annoyed. She was worried what her grandparents would think, being as old fashion as they were. The last thing she needed was someone posting it for the world to see.

"Oh god, no." Cat assured Tori. "I only told a couple of people, and made them promise not to tell. Steve had to have heard it from one of them."

"Or one of the people they told." Andre offered.

"Well, I initially only told a couple of people, at first. But, with each new nuance in their relationship, I just had to talk about it with someone, and you know, Sam's not into the school gossip so much, so I might have told a couple of more people. Then, after three months, I realized I'd pretty much told the entire school." Cat gave an apologetic smile. "I knew that when people kept reminding me I'd already told them. But, at the time, I figured it was okay, cause Beck wasn't getting hit on so much by the girls."

"I'd noticed that." Beck said.

"Wait, they backed off once they knew Jade wasn't with Beck?" Tori asked, confused.

"Well, you have to add in the crazy factor when dealing with girls." Andre said. Then, he saw the glares coming from both girls. "I mean..."

"First, the thrill of maybe stealing from Jade was gone." Cat said. "Some girls only like used boyfriends. Guys they stole from someone else. It has advantages, like you know they know how to be a boyfriend, have decent habits, chiz like that. But I think the big reason was, and I'm only spitballing, they didn't wanna admit to Jade how they knew Beck was single."

"So, Beck, why'd you go along with this, anyways?" Andre asked.

"Promise not to tell anyone?" Beck asked. "Okay, after we played that trick on Trina, we caused her a lot of problems with her family. I saw how hurt she was, and went to talk things out, maybe see if we could repair the damage our pranks, hers and mine, had caused one another. We got to talking, became kinda buddies, and from there I was able to see the better parts of her. We started dating just about the time Meredith was trying to woo me. So I agreed to go out with Meredith to set up the big getting back together scene I presented, and Jade agreed to be my Groucho Glasses."

"You mean beard." Cat said. "Wait, what are Groucho Glasses? Did you call them that cause Jade can be such a groucho?"

"I'm dating that groucho." Tori hissed. "Just, don't tell any..." Her head dropped. "But you already told everyone, right?"

"So what does all this have to do with that Smith kid" Andre wondered. It was also a good distraction from the growing weirdness he was feeling.

"I never told him." Cat said. "He only moved from Langley Falls in the last month, after I'd stopped telling people. But that meant he didn't understand the rules of not telling people, and was likely to wind up telling the wrong person, like Jade."

"Or me." Beck added. "Which he did. So now, I'm left wondering, why don't you come out of the closet and tell people your a couple? I mean, everyone already knows."

"Wait, fewer girls hit on Beck because they respected him being Jade's beard more then him dating her?" Andre asked, suddenly confused by that prospect.

"Okay, first, it's Groucho Glasses." Cat corrected the musician. "And as for girls hitting on Beck, I just expected them to be more covert about the flirting." Then to Tori she asked "And could you? Tell everyone, that is. I don't think Jade would like it if you and Beck were flirting."

"I can't, cause everyone doesn't already know." Tori snapped. "Like Sikowitz..."

"Told him, first day." Cat said.

"Well, there's Trina..."

"I told her." Beck said.

"You told her?" Tori asked. "Wait, how come I didn't know about you and Trina, huh? HUH?!" The Latina was getting aggressive.

"Honestly, after the whole rumor fiasco, Trina and I decided our relationship had the best chance to survive if her public persona, you know, her personality, wasn't involved." Beck said. "I kinda got to know that part of her she doesn't like to share. So we agreed not to tell anyone, but I needed Jade's help. So I told Jade, and then, when you two became an item, she told me."

"So do my parents know about…?" Tori asked, looking at her friend a little sideways. 'So much for no secrets.'

"We didn't know how to tell them." Beck admitted. "We're gonna, real soon."

"If it helps, they were there when I told Trina about you and Jade." Cat said. "Trina was amazingly good at keeping the fact that Beck told her a secret. I mean, I didn't know she already knew before right now."

"My grandparents?" Tori's voice faded, fear of being rejected by those she loved eating away at her heart.

"Like I had the resources to set up a video link to them, through my Nona's retirement community, and video chat with them long enough for Sam to know if they'd freak out or not." Cat protested. "Of course, Sam didn't have a clue if they were or weren't, but Dice did, and we were able to break the news to them in a way they understood." Cat gave a much proud smile. "That is, if I had those kinds of resources, which I don't."

"So you've already told everyone…?" Tori sounded defeated.

"Hay, if it makes you feel any better, Mister Thorsmith didn't wanna talk to me." Cat said. "Also, he already knew."

"I told him." Tori admitted.

"See, you got to to be the one to tell at least someone." Andre tried to cheer his best friend up.

"What the hell is everyone doing in here?" Jade growled as she walked in the door. Robbie trailed behind her.

"I thought you guys had abandoned me." Robbie said, looking sad. "Instead, you were having a meeting, and leaving me out." His face perked up. "Is it about my birthday?"

Rex's voice came from his backpack. "Yea, their talking about how it was a month ago, and it's sucktatude is still coloring every party they think about going too."

"Actually," Beck said, "Cat was just telling us how she figured out that you and I weren't an item any more."

"Cat?" Jade asked, trying to keep up the act.

"Almost four months ago." Beck continued. "Jade, she's told everyone. They all know..."

"I know." Jade said. "When Tori's parents gave me the third degree, making sure I wasn't gonna hurt their little girl, I knew someone had spilled the beans. But Trina let me know it wasn't her, or Tori. I was even able to confirm that much from a few guys. You know, friends who could be trusted..."

"My god, Jade has friends." Tori gushed. "I mean, other then us."

"So you're not mad?" Cat asked.

"I really didn't care." Jade replied. "No, scratch that, I did. Too many eyes looking at whats mine. Then that Steve kid went and talked a big game about how he was gonna land him the best singer in his class, our class. I told him he didn't have a chance, cause I was taken, Cat lived with a sociopath, and Tori was mine."

"YOU TOLD STEVE SMITH?" Beck asked, shocked.

"I was tired of hiding from everyone." Jade said. "Look, Beck, thanks for being my beard…."

"Groucho Glasses." Cat corrected her.

"What?" Jade breathed in.

"Long story." Tori said, stepping into her girl, and slapping her arm as hard as she could. "And whats with not telling me Beck was dating Trina?" Tori's voice had turned harsh.

"They wanted to keep it secret, so they wouldn't be under any pressure." Jade replied. "Think of how hard it would have been for them, dating, if everyone was rooting for them to fail. The skanks trying to steal Beck, they'd be on overdrive, cause the one person they'd believe was less deserving of him then me, would be Trina."

"Okay, that makes sense." Tori agreed. "So, they let him be cause they believed he was single?"

"No, they let him be because they believed he had someone, but without knowing the competition, it's kinda hard to know where you stand." Jade said. "Many guys get beards for when their not ready to come out of the closet, so those skanks didn't know if they were competing with a guy, or a girl. Easier to keep their distance, see if he comes back on the market."

"Or, they'd have to date Beck on the down low, like Trina is, cause he's Jade's Groucho Glasses." Cat speculated.

"Okay, someone owes me an explanation." Jade said, getting frustrated.

"Later." Beck promised.

"Okay than." Jade huffed, eying her ex. "So Beck, you've been dating for over six months. Maybe you and Trina are strong enough to go public? I mean, everyone already knows we're not together any more..." She gave a hopeful smile.

"Including your grandparents." Beck added.

"My grandparents know?" Jade asked, glancing at Cat.

"Like I could have set up the conference call, arranged a time when they were available, gotten a translator in case we needed one, and kept you guys from knowing about it." Cat said, waving off the allegation.

"Funny, you're not usually that thorough." Jade mused, watching her oldest friend.

"So it was my dad's parents?" Tori asked. "Or was it all of my grandparents?"

"Lets say, for arguments purposes, I had help, from my friend Dice, and the extra hurdle was getting all four of Tori's grandparents on logged into the chat." Cat said, now shifting to stand a little closer to Andre, putting her on the opposite side of the musician from the pale girl she'd known longer then anyone else in the room. "It's not like I meant for you to find out. I mean, I deliberately told them to wait, give you time to feel comfortable coming out."

"Um, Cat, why are you shielding yourself from Jade." Andre asked, well aware of who was now on the other side of him from the petite girl. "I mean, it sounds like Tori was more worried about you spilling the beans. And Jade, she told someone anyways."

"I just assumed, from the way her maternal grandfather reacted." Cat replied.

"You told my family as well?" Jade asked.

"It was easier to just do it all with one big conference call." Cat explained. "I told all five sets of your grandparents."

"Five?" Tori asked.

"Divorce, remarriage, and at least one of her stepmothers parents actually thought of her as theirs." Beck explained.

"Plus, I wasn't really sure which one's where her maternal grandparents." Cat added. "That reaction might have been..."

"The Wests." Jade cut in. "Dad took moms name, cause he wanted a fresh start away from his hippie parents." She smiled at Tori. "I'll tell you about his early life on a commune later, once I know I can trust you with the embarrassing chiz."

Tori blinked, looking at her girlfriend as if there was a new secret waiting under her pale skin, one that still had to be addressed. After a few seconds, she decided to just move on, because the image of Jade's stern father as a second generation flower child was beyond disturbing. "So you told Jade's parents?" Tori asked Cat.

"I couldn't trust her dad not to say anything, but yea." Cat admitted. "I went kinda crazy, telling everyone I though needed to know."

"Okay, whats done is done." Jade told her friend. "Besides, I told my mom and dad, like a month into our relationship. My dad reacted, as in actually looked at me, asked me if that was what I really wanted, asked to see a picture of Tori, remembered her from Well wishes, and then told me she was probably a better choice then Beck. I didn't have the nerve to ask him what he'd meant by that."

"So you're relationship with him's better?" Tori asked.

"Not really." Jade replied. "He just doesn't give a flying fig who I'm dating, just as long as I don't get pregnant or cause him embarrassment. I suppose, if I were dating a plant."

"Leave Robbie out of this." Tori said, then turning she looked at the nerdy boy. "Sorry, thought I'd beat Rex to the punch."

'Good one." Rex called out.

"Still kinda hurts." The puppeteer added.

"So, where does that leave us, other then needing to get to class?" Beck asked.

"Obviously, Tori and Jade are out of the closet." Andre said. "But Beck will need to find some way to come out about him and Trina. Robbie and Cat, you two dating yet?"

"Not yet." Robbie said.

"Ewe, gross." Cat commented. "I don' wanna date him, just, you know, maybe have a few of his children, but keep my options open."

"Maybe you could just date." Andre suggested.

"And how is that a part of this conversation?" Cat asked.

"Just covering all my bases." Andre said.

"You know, I still know a couple of girls I think you'd do great with." Tori said, smiling at her musician friend.

"Look, I gotta get to class." Andre raced out of the classroom.

"What about you guys?" Cat asked.

Jade shrugged. "Rob and I are here next class."

"Thats how they found us?" Tori said.

"It's how I knew this classroom would be open, and empty." Beck admitted. "I'll see you all later. And Tori, Jade, I think tonight's the night I tell your parents about me and Trina. With the secret of Tori and Jade out, I suspect it's time."

"You want us there?" Tori asked.

"If that wouldn't be too much of an inconvenience." Beck said.

"Okay, family Pot Pie for six." Tori said, smiling.

"Have her make her meatloaf." Jade told her girlfriend as she escorted the singer out of the classroom. "And I remind you, one of us is a teenage boy."

"Got it, lots of food." Tori said, giving Jade the first public kiss in their relationship, then hurrying off before the desire for more made her late for class.

Cat looked at Jade. "So, we okay?" The petite girl asked.

"Yea, we're good." Jade replied. "And for the record, talk to me before you tell my grandparents anything else about my life, okay?"

"I totally get it." Cat said. 'Man, like I'll ever be able to contact them all again. Of course, I have their numbers now, and my new phone has a killer conference call feature...' The redhead walked off, looking for her next interesting bit of gossip. Her phone activated as she called the number that had been her standby release for the last month. "Okay, Carly, let me fill you in on the latest happenings of or little group. Get this, Tori's talentless sister, Trina, she's been seeing Beck...' Sam may not have liked gossip, but her iCarly partner loved it, and thanks to the military's calling plans, had a voice mail that didn't cost extra for Cat to reach. Cat smiled, satisfied that someone liked it when she gossiped.

:}

So, thoughts, reviews, let me know what you thought. Hope there was at least one laugh in this one. And yes, this time I made it so Jade was the one who wanted to go public, and Tori was a bit reluctant.

Do you think Cat went a bit overboard?


End file.
